Bullhead
Fish/ˈbʊl.hed fɪʃ/ noun
A creature that woke up one morning, looked at the river, looked at the pasture, and refused to choose.
half bull ✦all swim ✦horned downstream ✦moo blub moo ✦udderly aquatic ✦the pasture is wet ✦field guide № 0001 ✦half bull ✦all swim ✦horned downstream ✦moo blub moo ✦udderly aquatic ✦the pasture is wet ✦field guide № 0001 ✦half bull ✦all swim ✦horned downstream ✦moo blub moo ✦udderly aquatic ✦the pasture is wet ✦field guide № 0001 ✦
figure i
Anatomy of the improbable
horns / for arguments
dorsal fin / steering wheel
whiskers / weather radar
tail / yes it works
belly / library of mud
01Length
From snout to tail-fin: long enough to make you uncomfortable on a video call.
02Diet
Algae, regret, the occasional dropped sandwich.
03Habitat
Slow rivers, fast group chats, the back of your mind at 3am.
chapter ii
Where it came from
true story (probably)
Long before the internet had a name for it, an old farmer leaned over the riverbank and saw his cow staring back.
The cow blinked. The river blinked. Neither of them moved.
He went home, told no one. The river told everyone. Centuries later we built a chart for it.
witness reports
People who saw it,
and weren't the same.
I caught one once. It looked at me and I apologised.
Not a fish. Not a bull. A correction.
He moos at low tide. That is all I can confirm.
I keep one in my pond. The pond keeps me back.